Hey. The IP knows that interpersonal dysfunction is common in most places in this country; and he can’t claim innocence in the same regard. Nonetheless, The IP gets a good chuckle every week when he reads the Police Blotter section in Atlanta’s hanging-on-by-its-fingernails free “alternative” weekly publication, Creative Loafing. The ATL is one of the most dysfunctional cities in which The IP has ever lived, and The Loaf’s Police Blotter captures that attribute perfectly:

PAY UP: A 33-year-old man said a woman scratched his car, a 1995 white Mercury Cougar. The woman said she brought her car over to the 33-year-old man’s home on Hood Street to get her tire fixed. “[The man] stated he wanted some pussy instead of the money,”* an officer wrote. “[The woman] said she could not have sex because she was on her cycle.”* Apparently, a scuffle ensued. The man said the woman scratched his car, but she said she fell on his car. The officer said they both would be arrested. Then, they both decided not to press charges. The officer asked whether they lived together or had a relationship in the past. “Both parties stated, ‘No, we just know each other from the area,’” the officer wrote.

SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE: A 25-year-old man said he was walking in Buckhead around 1:30 a.m. when a blond woman — with a tattoo possibly of a rose on her left breast* — pulled up. He said the woman seemed distraught — she said she was lost and needed directions. The woman said she was staying at a hotel downtown and asked him if he could get into her car and help her find the Rio Bravo restaurant on Roswell Road. (Blotter Diva note: The restaurant is roughly three blocks away.) “While on the way, he asked [the woman] to stop at an ATM so he could get $20 for a taxi after she dropped him off,” an officer wrote. The man said he gave the woman his Visa debit card and told her the pin number since the ATM was on the driver’s side of the vehicle. The man said they went to the restaurant, where she was supposed to meet her friend — but the friend didn’t show up. He said the woman asked for his help to return to her downtown hotel. “[The man] said he wasn’t comfortable with that, and was let out of the vehicle.” The next day, the man’s bank called about suspicious overnight activity on his Visa debit card, including $302.95 withdrawn from an ATM on Roswell Road; charges of $50 and $36.69 at a QuikTrip around 4:55 a.m.; and seven charges totaling almost $550 at a Kroger around 5:15 a.m. The man said he’s not sure how the debit card got out of his possession.

GOING BATTY: On Henry Thomas Drive, a woman said her sister — armed with a baseball bat — kicked at her bedroom door, trying to get in. A police officer arrived. Several relatives in the apartment said the sister was “geeked up.”* The officer wrote, “I asked [the sister] what happened and she replied, ‘They know how I get when I’m geeked, I saw something on the television and I got scared.’” The sister, age 45, was charged with disorderly conduct.

HAIRS LOOKING AT YOU: One afternoon, an officer stopped a suspicious man at the intersection of Woodward and Loomis avenues. “I gave [the man] several warnings to put on his shirt and pull his pants up to his waist,” the officer wrote. “I seen [the man] again walking with his shirt off and his pants below the waist, showing his pubic hairs.” The man, age 34, was charged with public indeceny/lewd appearance.

IP Notes:

* If this guy had his own shop, he would have a sign that read “Pussy or Cash Only! NO CHECKS!

* Does this mean that if she wasn’t on her “cycle,” she WOULD have had given the guy “pussy” to pay for the repair?

* Never trust a woman with a tattoo; especially if it’s on one of her breastages.

*”Geeked Up” is a slang term for being high on crack. The IP learned this from a crackhead co-worker (who knew?).