Gee whiz!!  It’s been a long time since The IP has blogged at ya, but that’s because he’s been doing his “research” for this latest installment of “The IP’s Best of YouTube 2008.” 

This time, The IP is gonna take a trip down memory lane and return to his 1978 bedroom where his trusty, 14-inch B&W SHARP television waited for him after a long afternoon of stocking and wrapping vegetables at the Wellesley Supermarket.  There really was only one show this particular, pimply-faced, adolescent white suburban male wanted to watch in 1978:

Senator Ted Stevens was right.  The Internets actually IS a series of tubes!  Consider the just the one tube that delivers dozens of vintage “CHiPs” videos directly to The IP.  The show has a big following, which makes for a “kid in the candy store” scenario for choosing a good clip.  But before you watch The IP’s chosen  “CHiPs” clip, let’s have a brief review of what the show is all about.  First, here’s some observations from a “CHiPs” message board: 

TOPICS: TV/Movies

KEYWORDS: chips; genx; leo

Everything I know about driving, justice and tight pants, I learned from CHiPs.

1. A crashed car, any type of crash – even a riding lawn mower, will explode.

2. The main job of the highway patrol is to pull you from the above situation. Do not attempt to get out of your car on your own, you must be pulled free to survive.

3. Criminals are always misunderstood and will flee like rabbits on foot if chased long enough. You can always catch them when they try to climb a fence at the far end of an alley.

4. When tragedy unfolds on the interstate all other cars will slow down to 25 mph and space themselves out so that the highway patrol can zip around them on their ‘cycles.

5. Highway Patrolmen always end their shifts laughing hysterically at some comical situation and will freeze sporadically for no apparent reason in the process.

6. Only Ponch and John can wear tight pants. If you wear them you are gay.

7. The only cool highway patrolmen ride motorcycles and wear sunglasses. Only dorky patrolmen drive cars.

8. No matter how many rules you break, cars you blow up, hi-speed chases you make, or expensive prototype police robo-cycles you defeat at taxpayer expense, the chief will never, NEVER suspend you and will always laugh like a loon at the end fo the shift with you.

9. Hot women always dig highway patrolmen in tight pants. Duh.

10. All police probelms are solved in under an hour and involve spectacular non-fatal chases. This is written in the bible somewhere.

And here’s another post from the same board discussing particular “CHiPs” episodes:

Donny Most (Ralph Malph) from Happy Days as a Gene Simmons-esque rocker named Moloch, singing “Devil Take Me.” Man, that one stands out for me too – freaked me out as a kid, corny as it was. I could never look at Ralph “Mouth” the same again.

Other memorable episodes include:

1. Two kids living in a culvert under the freeway – pulled from flaming death by Ponch and Jon.

2. Chasing a rougue stunt motorcyclist around the freeway and catching him with a special souped-up motorcycle.

3. Some stupid robot is assigned to Ponch and Jon. [The robot's gaydar goes off and sets it on fire, Ponch and Jon rescue it.]

4. Some dude using a jet pack to fly his way out of a ticket. I have always wanted to do this and as God as my witness, someday I will.

Ah, memories.

22 posted on Friday, April 21, 2006 4:55:30 PM by SquirrelKing

[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

The IP appreciated SquirrelKing’s synopses, and it turns out he chose one to present to you on this post.  This particular “CHiPs” episode is crammed with TV stars of the highest calibre.  Here’s a partial listing:

A Short Clip Of Cassandra Peterson

Donny Most (Ralph Malph from Happy Days) Playing “Moloch,” A Gene-Simmons Clone Rocker With A Sweet, Vintage Hearse Ride That, Predictably, Blows Up)

Peter Marshall (Hollywood Squares Host) Playing A Opportunistic Impresario And Manager For Moloch

And Christopher Knight (Brady Bunch Middle Child Peter)Who Shows Up as The ”Bubbee” of The Manager 

This clip captures so much of the essence of the CHiPs formula it serves as a perfect CHiPs primer.  You have washed-up actors, ham-handed screenplay and “plot,” excruciatingly slow and absurd highway action/rescue, a gratuitous explosion, along with a not-so-subtle depiction of the perceived Jewish Hollywood Cabal (JHC).  And this clip is only one-quarter of the original episode!  

Listen for the horrible “barbecue” joke.

And don’t forget to enjoy the awesome disco-inspired theme song at the beginning!!

 ENJOY THE CLIP

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 CHiPs “Fun Fact!!” & Bonus Clip

Did you know that the type of motorcycle that Ponch and Jon ride in CHiPs is the Kawasaki 1000 C-Series Police Special??

Nice bike.  The IP would even consider getting one if he had the cash.  He probably wouldn’t wear a tight “CHiPs” uniform, however.  That could lead to arrest for impersonating an officer, as well as severe gonadal compression.  

Click HERE to watch a classicly stupid “CHiPs” highway crash.  How a car can get lauched in the air from broadsiding another car is beyond The IP’s comprehension; I mean, these are actual crashes, aren’t they?  Gotta love the late-model sedans getting trashed.

Happy New Year all you pithecanthropes!!!

The IP can’t keep up with all those fancy-pants Intarwebs sites and their “Best Of 2008” rankings.  But that doesn’t mean he can’t provide some “best of” things that he saw since he got DSL this past May.  Special Thanks to “Engineer Mike” & YouTube for this top-ten countdown:

# 1 First Edition (w/Kenny Rogers)

The inordinate popularity of Kenny Rogers, so much of it based on a succession of “Adult Contemporary” country fried pop songs, a few stints in film, and even a restaurant chain, distracts from what was his finest hour in the adolescence of his career.

The band was called The First Edition, and Kenny and that band provided America with one of the better psychedelic anthems of all time, “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In).”  The lyrics are a synthesis of acid-trip metaphors that many argue best capture the LSD experience.  It’s been said that it was Jimi Hendrix’s favorite song:

(yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

I woke up this mornin with the sundown shinin in

I found my mind in a brown paper bag within

I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high

I tore my mind on a jagged sky

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

(yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in

I watched myself crawlin out as I was a-crawlin in

I got up so tight I couldnt unwind

I saw so much I broke my mind

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

(yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

Someone painted april fool in big black letters on a dead end sign

I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind

Eight miles outta memphis and I got no spare

Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

I said I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

Yeah yeah oh-yeah 

Just listening to the song is enough to send some chills down The IP’s spine, and when he found an early video of the band performing for some 60s TV show, he was worried that it might ruin the experience he always had when he would just use his imagination for his own metaphorical imagery:

 

 

This video was definitely one of the best YouTubes The IP enjoyed in 2008.  Beautifully simple, but with a high degree of special effectsmanship, Kenny sits on a inclined plane of a bed in an Alice-in-Wonderland bedroom with his First Edition playing alongside.  Watch the way he gets up at the end, tries to orient himself on the headboard, but decides to sit back down.  What?  What happened to the band?  …brilliant!!

 

WATCH VIDEO

 

 

 

And here’s a special “You can’t make that shit up” breaking story.

 

See you soon for YouTube # 2

In macroeconomic “times like these,” it’s doubly ironic that we enter a new year and inaugurate a new U.S. president a couple weeks later.  WTF?  It’s as if the wheels of history turn with their own cryptic volition.

It’s also interesting how this tanking global economy has brought to the fore both prosaic and sophisticated analyses of the concepts of “capitalism” and “socialism.”  The Radical Right accuses “Big Government” for all our economic woes, and the Radical Left accuses “Laissez-Faire” capitalists.  Who knows the “truth?”

Refreshing indeed that this article is from the Wall Street Journal.  Maybe there is hope for the future.

Cuba is “celebrating” its 50^th Anniversary of Castro’s revolution, and the BBC is running a great series on that Caribbean country.  As The IP listened to one of the episodes, he found himself both loving and hating capitalism AND socialism.

That is why The IP decided, on this past New Years day, to seek some YouTubes of a futuristic and positive bent.  He found that for which he was looking.  He found exactly what he was looking for, too.  The following YouTubes are worth watching.  They show what man can do technologically.  If only we could transfer some of that ingenuity and boldness to our humanity.

So here is the first IP YouTube video post of 2009.  It’s a very-well done documentary montage of a 2007 World Speed Record for a train, the TGV.  Alstom, a mega-multinational company, made the video and they really did a super job.  Note the cutting and editing and camera angles.  Superb!  You really feel good for the train engineer…he almost seems chagrined that he’s on camera, but he also looks happy to have been THE guy to set the record (with the train, of course).  And the engineers and nerds monitoring the run also are fun to watch. 

WATCH VIDEO

Yes.  It IS like a giant penis on metal wheels filled with sperm cells in the form of men, but at least they made a fast train instead of beating a wife, throwing acid on a woman’s face, or blowing up people because of some religious or cultural conviction.   Sorry, pithecanthropes, The IP wants a “happy” new year too, but we need to acknowledge that there is a lot of work to do to make sure ALL of us can be, even just a little, happy.  Even just a little can go a long way. 

Now, on to the future.  The next YouTube video is for the next generation of TGV called, excitingly, the AGV.  This video is all pimped out with cool animations and euro-style music.  Turn up the sound and be prepared to be blown away.  Why can’t America do shit like this?

WATCH VIDEO

HAPPY NUDE YEAR FROM THE IP!!